I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
