You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
