Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
