He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
