Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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