Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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