so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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