i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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