I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
