i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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