Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
