my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
