$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
