"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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