i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
