I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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