Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
