I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
