eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
