Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
