Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize