her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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