I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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