What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
