were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
