I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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