Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
