He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
