note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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