Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
