Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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