Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
