Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize