I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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