It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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