Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my being single is dangerous.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
