OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
