I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
