He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
