Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
