Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize