I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
