I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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