i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize