Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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