Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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