wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
