She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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