We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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