You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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