His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
