my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
