i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
