yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
