I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
