Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
