No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize