friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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