when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
