Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
