Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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