Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
