Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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