she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im on a boat
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