i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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