So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize