anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So squirting runs in the family.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
