Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
