i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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