dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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