he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
