just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
