i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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