I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize