What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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