piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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