Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
