It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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