i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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