peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
