dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
