It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
