I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
