I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
