it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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