the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
