a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
