If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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