We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
