I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
