So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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