Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There r osticjed everywhere
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
