my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
