speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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