I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
