she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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