I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
