a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
