I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
3pm strippers are depressing
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
