Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
