I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
