lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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