Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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