I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
