Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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