Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize