Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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