I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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