also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
