There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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