do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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