who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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