you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
