alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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