i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
