Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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