i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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